Il y a une femme française dans … um … le lab and I thought that I would try to appear cool and worldly by dropping the occasional French word into the conversation. I'd impress everyone by casually asking her the time in French as if I had accidentally slipped into my second language.
It was a good plan with just one flaw. I can't speak French. Like most British people, I was too lazy to learn it properly at school, so when I go to France I shout very loudly in English and the person to whom I'm speaking will invariably reply in English but with better grammar and pronunciation.
I spent ages trying to rack my brain for any remnant of the French I learnt. For some reason, the only French sentence that I can remember is, “N'oubliez pas ton pantalon,” and, if I'm correct, it means “Don't