Living with Ed
A medical student shares the experiences of living with anorexia
I love medicine. I love the challenge, the variety, the opportunities, the excitement, the people, and the patients. I love the discussions, the sense of community, and the team work. But for the past two years there has been someone on my team who is destructive. He interferes, meddles, and messes. He is always there. He is always by my side. His presence is relentless. His name is Ed. Ed is my eating disorder.
Ed is secure: I know I can depend on him. Ed is always there for me. Ed makes me feel in control. Ed gives me confidence. Ed tells me that I do not deserve food and that I am unworthy, and he leaves me guilt ridden if I do eat. Ed is manipulative and dangerous. Actually, when Ed is around, he is in control, not me. He is powerful and can easily deceive. He makes me